Iowa Lawmaker Introduces “Suck It Up, Buttercup” Bill To Stop Student-Coddling At Universities

Posted By on November 18, 2016

The Stated Truth: Hey Snowflakes, you gotta be kidding, are you still on the war path over the election results or did something else come along since then?                                                                      
Snowflake:  Nope, not kidding, the election was rigged, you know it and we know it … it’s so depressing that nobody can even function right, we just can’t cope, can’t move on, we’re so depressed, the University should just cancel all classes until after the holidays …poor Hillary, we all just breakdown crying  every time we think about that mean Donald Trump, why did God let this happen? It’s not fair. Hillary has wanted to be President her whole life, and that mean dick  ruined it for everybody. He did! It’s just not fair. Its not fair!  


OK, then project “BUTTERCUP” will be launched.  It really didn’t need to be like this. As you “snowflakes” move through life, there will be many stressful things happen to you, and most will be much more threatening than this election was. Save the emotions for those instances when you really need them. Learn to cope with things you don’t necessarily agree with and are out of your control, and learn to move on. To cry wolf now only hurts you in the long run. Understand that I am telling you this for your own good.     AND NO, THE UNIVERSITY WILL NOT SHUT DOWN UNTIL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS JUST BECAUSE AN ELECTION DIDN’T GO YOUR WAY!   IS THAT CLEAR!  DO YOU GET IT!  NOW GET YOUR BUTTS BACK TO CLASS.

An Iowa lawmaker plans to put forth a bill that will target state universities that use taxpayer dollars to coddle students with sit-ins and grief counseling – such as “cry zones” in order help them cope with events like President-elect Donald Trump’s victory over Hillary Clinton.

While issuing fines to those universities who want to pamper their students with child-like comfort, the bill would also establish new criminal charges for protesters who shut down highways, a circumstance that has risen out of the many anti-Trump protests that kicked off after the election.

“I’ve seen four or five schools in other states that are establishing ‘cry zones’ where they’re staffed by state grief counselors and kids can come cry out their sensitivity to the election results,” said Iowa’s Bobby Kaufmann to the Des Moines Register. “I find this whole hysteria to be incredibly annoying. People have the right to be hysterical … on their own time.”

Following the Donald Trump victory in the Nov. 8 election, schools such as Cornell and Yale went as far as setting up a “cry-in” and a “primal scream” so students could let out their grief and frustration over the results.

Other elite universities offered students coloring books, puppies, play dough, Legos and bubbles to comfort students who felt distraught post-election.

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